kamerakid's Journal

Still not perfect, but this is how it is for now. (Updated 10/30)
( The Official “What I Gots” List )

^_^ Yay me.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: The Little Mermaid (Songs from the Sea)- My Room in the Sea

I need to be studying. I need to be catching up so that I can be prepared for all the exams and quizzes ahead this week. But my cheeks are burning and my head is spinning, and my fingers have been itching to write for weeks now about everything, though there isn't much to tell.

( V. are magic!! aka Slipknot )

Speaking of bonding, I also recently went to one of Benky's hockey games. It didn't go very well, but I took pictures as best I could (Dad was busy keeping score), and I cheered when I thought was the right time to do so. I also got hit by a hockey stick (not hard), so I had proof that I'd really been 'at the game'. ^^ No bruises, but lots of concern from coaches and parents standing around me. It was fun, and a worthwhile reason to wake up at 5:30 in the morning on a Sunday.

What other little tales have I not had time to document?

I solved a moral dilemma a few weeks back. I'm doing school counseling now, we'll see how that goes. I got a B+ on a paper I actually worked hard on (as opposed to the paper I slacked on and also got a B+ on), so that was kind of a bummer. I'll have to work harder in that class to get the A I want, I suppose.

Oh yeah, the chocolate I mentioned earlier! It came from someone who was grateful for the notes I made them when they missed class? It was kind of awkward, so that's why I didn't want to eat them myself. It felt kind of strange. I still have the Starbucks gift card and the movie tickets that came with the chocolate, I gave the Applebee's gift cards to my roommate.

Um, as much as I'd love to keep talking and thinking as I talk, this week is fast approaching and I'm not the least bit ready for it. >.<

I hope everyone's been doing well. Later, all *waves*

PS- One week until March!!!!

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Hotaru no Hikari OST

( Read more... )

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Music from the Delightful Girl Choon Hyang OST (rewatched it this week!)

I now know why in Kdramas old stressed people hold the back of their head...
( ....it's where stress headaches go! )

Later, all *waves.

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: DBSK- Wrong Number *squee!!!!*

Kdrama review... then it's on to homework!
I'm not gonna lie, I'm sad to see that drama go. I'm sad that it got such low ratings (why're my favorite Korean dramas ALL low-rating ones? Do I have bad taste or does Korea? Ponder ponder...).

The World That They Lived In is what I just finished, with Hyun Bin and Song Hye Kyo serving as the leads. I thought they were great, I thought they both looked great (compared to my last sighting of either of them, I thought these haircuts were cute and a vast improvement). I liked the pacing for the most part. I confess, the fact that it wasn't Kdrama-like until the very end made me happy, and I was a little sad when the dramatics started. It sounds silly, since I love Kdramas, but my favorite ones are those that have a very distinct and different flavor from the norm. Other examples include Soulmate and Over the Rainbow. I think The World That They Lived In fits in very nicely with those two.

Of the three I think Over the Rainbow was the most dissimilar from the other two. Still, it was different from a typical Kdrama (the main female lead wasn't even IN half the show!), and so it gets credited the same as The World That They Lived in and Soulmate.

(Guys with good hair give these shows credit too).

I think the thing I was most upset about in The World That They Lived in, actually, was Kim Chang Wan's performance. I normally LOVE LOVE LOVE this man in any drama, but I really wasn't feeling this character. He wasn't soft voiced (I didn't even know I could dislike this guy's voice!), and he was a sorta selfish slightly-creepy guy. The kind who woulda turned on the news team in the Kdrama Spotlight, that kinda guy. The agenda-keeping types. And it made me sad, because he's always been a warm-hearted character, a father, a mentor, what have you. He's got such a gentle smile and sweet voice, it wasn't fun to see him in this role (though him singing in the last episode made me soooo happy).

That's my evaluation, for what it's worth.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Lalala song in my head from The World That They Live In OST

The right thing is no longer written in faded grey letters for us to trace. That's what was left of it when we got off the training wheels stage of having it printed in front of you in bold black letters: THIS is what is good, THIS is how you should live. Now we're into that fuzzy stage where sometimes you remember the lines you've always traced, but you wonder if it suits your handwriting after all. And if not, what will you do? And when will you get scolded and by whom?

( Long entry here.. )

Okay, it's half an hour past my intended bedtime, so I'm gonna go crash now. Hope everyone's been having an amazing semester/not-so-cold winter so far. Later, all *waves*.

PS- From a loooong time ago. That night I had that dream? I also dreamed that I was taking care of chinchillas and they got out and Bonnie sat on one. The others were okay, but that one was breathing funny, and I woke up with my chest feeling all tight 'cause in the dream, it seemed likely that the chin would die. Last night, I woke up at first from a dream where I was a bad person (can't remember in what way), but I went back to sleep and deemed my second wake up more acceptable.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Some song from the Corner With Love OST, I can't read the the name of it (yet!)

Dreamed I was Tamar and somewhere between older and younger than her real age. I was married to a man named George, and I was a writer(?). My writing wasn't being well-accepted, and I was refusing my friends' claims that it was good, they(?) just didn't know what they were talking about. I said that they'd ____________ so I couldn't accept their words now- they contradicted what they'd last said, my writing was either one or the other. Two of my friends were pregnant. George was on a plane with me, silent but supportive.

Before that, something about a gymnastics stadium. Maybe even actual gymnastics.

All vague, really, but that's all I can remember.

And really, I shouldn't have woken after only four hours of sleep in the first place, right?

Maybe my conscience is what woke me up. Bleh to guilt.

Later, all.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Your heart your smile your days song from Who Are You? Kdrama

Are you happy now? Fourth time I've slept in past 12. So there.
( Dreams )

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Monkey Kiz- Never Say Goodbye (not really my thing, too Kpop whiny).

I woke up today from a good dream. I didn't make a decision in the dream, but I was faced with it and I think I was going to decide.

Today I feel like there's not enough time for me to try all my looks, to invent all my future outfits, to live. And that's a good thing.

A. is okay. Everyone seems to be okay. I'm so grateful (grateful?).

I read a book. That felt good too. It'd been sitting on my shelves since my first freshman year (not including the time that it was in H.'s possession). The Girl in the Tangerine Scarf by Mohja Kahf. Totally a good read for me, exactly what I needed. With some interesting insights and some fun descriptions of American society and setting.

I plan to respond to azelmaroark's LJ entry, I just haven't had a chance to sit and think carefully about what I want to say. I'll try to get to that soon.

Right now though, while I still feel like cleaning my room, I'm going to take this energy and I'mma run with it!

Hope everyone's having a fantastic break. All breakdowns aside, I am. I really and truly am.

Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: good
Current Music: Lord of the Flies CD I made in 9th grade- The Impression that I Get (T.M.M.B.)

Mmm... I don't know what the word is for stretching and wriggling comfortably in your own skin, but I am feeling it!

I love days like this. Granted, I woke up at six am from a nightmare (two hours before my alarm was set to go off), had an exam (took me forever to figure out how to get into the building), napped from like 3 or 4 pm until 10:30 or something like that (at which time I awoke from yet ANOTHER nightmare- this time about getting a 75 on my History exam and therefore an 83 in the class *gasp* And two of my favorite male professors were telling me this- in a girls' bathroom. And one of them had a Korean wife who was dragging several of her kids through a line... weird... anyway!), then I stayed up all night. The terrible scheduling? Irrelevant. The good feeling? Still good. ^_^

Read a nice lil' story on fictionpress- can't believe there are still gems on the internet that I've missed. It should be obvious, yet I'm always surprised (it's a good kind of surprise, though).

Despite the many things I'm not confident in, I'm all right. The fact that I can afford to be disappointed about an A- in a piano elective class tells me as much.

Took some fun pictures with my roomie today, then looked at old photos of my family. God, I hope my hair never gets to be as bad as it has been at times in the past. They're cute though, those kids. Dunno about those crazy adult folk, I kinda skimmed over their pictures. But the kids? Adorable. Amazing.

I wish I could have good dreams. Dreams that are detailed, but not nightmares. Both of those things would be nice.

This entry isn't important to anyone but me, and I don't like how it's turning out, even as it says exactly what I'm thinking. Bah.

Need to sleep- need to find adventure tomorrow? Need to get my hair trimmed or whatever you call it, so it never grows badly like it has clearly done before (*wails* why didn't anyone teeellll me???).

Hope everyone's doing well and enjoying heated spaces (brrr, cold weather, I curse you!). Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: my fingers hurt...
Current Music: Some song from the Love Contract OST

( When I sleep lots, I dream lots )

Piano exam at 9:50 am. -_-;; Still not ready, gonna go practice more sometime this morning. Hope everyone's doing well. Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: afraid
Current Music: All I have to do is dream (from an old childhood cassette)

Sometimes all it takes is one great video to make my day.

Sure it's 5 am, but DBSK just nailed it. Seriously, if I were at all prone to fangirlish tendencies... >.>

...Yeah. Watching Jae Joong sing happy birthday might now become a new favorite pastime for me. ^_^ His laugh is just amazing...

Exam week starts tomorrow (today?). My first 'exam' is on Thursday. But some fun stuff in the works, oh yes oh yes.... *evil laugh*.

G'luck to everyone else trying to wrap up their semester smoothly. It's almost over!

Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Tohoshinki- Doushite .... (whatever the rest of the title is).

Just reread "Strings of Fate". *breathes* Holy crap, what an amazing comic. Shorter than I remembered, but wow. Great stuff. I wish it'd been continued, but if I ignore the start of the second story, I can be content with the ending... sort of.

Anyway, I should probably sleep. I have classes to go to tomorrow and exams to study for (piano and Chinese being the biggest threats to my sanity at the moment- we'll see what History has in store...).

Index cards, index cards, oh how I loath index cards right now.

Teachers with maternal instincts are still the best. When they're female, I mean. Earth Science as a subject has been good to me- I always seem to get teachers who I like a lot and who make the material interesting.

I think I'll need something more to hold onto before I can let go. Which isn't fair, because what I have now is already so amazing. But it's not enough to sustain me. Not yet.

Gawd, it's almost 2 AM. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Methinks it's time for bed. Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: I have that Track 11 from Love at Aegean Sea stuck in my head...

Chicken instead of Huo Ji (Turkey) and Homework and Sleeplessness... what a winning combination
I can't seem to rid myself of enough things. I want less less less! I know there are more things I want, but I don't want to squeeze them into this space.

I want to learn to get along with my parents. That conversation was doomed from the start, but did it have to end quite that nastily? I'm sure we'll figure it out. Thanksgiving was nice, after all (well, except for the autistic boy who hd some kind of obsession with touching girls' feet >_<).

I haven't made a list in a while, but it's worth thinking about. What am I thankful for?
-Life. -Health. -Family (what I have of it). -Friends (both ones I've had in the past and the ones I still have today). -College. -My roommate. -Interesting classes. -Good people. -Cute people. -Beautiful people. -Interesting people. -Coincidental people. -Interesting subjects. -Chinese. -Applications that make me work. -Obsidia concerts. -My laptop. -My brothers. -My cell phone (may I never lose it again!). -My hands, feet, eyes, ears, voice, and heart. -Hope. -Reality. -Their meeting place. -Chances, opportunity (like meeting South Korea's last year's democratic presidential candidate randomly in a church!). -Music. -Sleep. -Gum. -Trevor (the best pet chinchilla ever!). -My best friend (best phone friend, oldest friend, best friend in general, etc). -Candy. -The internet.

Sometimes I'm not thankful for these things. Sometimes they give me reasons NOT to feel thankful for them. Sometimes they don't even seem to be there. But on a good day I can look at this list and think that it's far too short to cover all the amazing things I have in my life.

I should draw again. I have so many leftover art supplies, it'd be a real shame if I didn't. I should start keeping a journal again. I should start singing again, should start writing songs again. I should START.

Hope your Thanksgiving was warm and satisfying and refreshing. C'mon y'all, just a few more weeks of school and then we're done for a good while! Hang in there! Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Some sad song from Delightful Girl Choon Hyang's OST, blah

I hate my habit of abbreviating things, later on I can never remember what they mean!
( Coloring! Coloring! -Bubbles )

( Whining )

*pause* Well, that helped. Daaamn, that helped a lot. For those of you who, like me, put off things that could make someone's day, don't. Seriously. Without meaning to, that just made me feel so much better.

Okay, I've written enough that I should lj-cut. Which also means it's time to stop writing. I need to read more. I can tell that now. And I'm not just saying it this time either. Just maybe not only classics or whatever. I should look into that.

'Till then, I hope everyone's been doing well. Hope you're all looking forward to Thanksgiving (uh, stuffing? Heck yes!). Gan en jie kuai le! (Happy Thanksgiving in Chinese, hehehe. I AM learning something in college, after all!)

Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: relieved
Current Music: The Police- Can't Stand Losing You/ that classical piece from Nodame Cantabile

He called me b--y/b--e... and it's snowing
I did so many things I would not normally do yesterday/today. And, other than staying up this late, none of them seem regrettable to me at this moment.

^_^ Hurray life. It's always fun when stuff is interesting. I might've ruined my goal a little today, had a nightmare about dieting and fighting with my roommate, and thought that my brain should give me a break at SOME point in the day...

...but today was so awesome I don't really care. The hawk, the movie, the snow, the visit, the coincidental meetup with the small world gang (same dorm room, same major, same language, same roommate, same EVERYTHING!)... all of it was worth it. I'm feeling stupid on giddiness and I think that'll help keep me from burning out before the semester ends.

Ack, time to sleep. Seriously. Quiz tomorrow. Gonna die. Paper due Tuesday, gonna die twice. Thanksgiving is soon though. And maybe another visit.

Hope you're all doing well (it's SNOWING!). Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Pink- So What

Random thoughts, a quick entry before more homework.
Today I cleaned my room and did a lot of laundry. I did some homework yesterday. I ate dinner with my friends this evening.

And all of this is what makes me feel alive. The drama makes me want to be a good person, but the things that really happened are what make me feel like I may someday achieve that goal. I don't know that I can become a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, or anything else helpful. But at the very least, I'm becoming human little by little. And that's a start.

Sure my family's been cut completely out of the picture for now, and friendships are practically on hiatus. In fact, I may end up becoming a recluse/hermit as a result of my efforts to become a real person. But I'm more satisfied with myself right now than I've ever been in my conscious memory. And that has to mean something, right?

Next goals? Figure out what I want to do (what is it I care about in this world? what can I do that makes my life have meaning?). Go to the gym. Apply for my summer plans. Get in touch with people again. Develop such a busy schedule I can't answer my phone. Become smarter and happier and more beautiful than I've ever been before. Master Chinese. Master happiness. Succeed at family. Love someone as much as I possibly can?

We'll see.

Current Mood: curious
Current Music: Goong S OST

So....
I might be about to make a phone call that'll make me really miserable. So, before I do, I wanted to make a list here of all the things that made today so wonderful, so that I can look back on it and try to keep my spirits high.

So let's see, things that made today so sparkly-good:
-I didn't get much sleep. This tends to take the edge off me when done correctly. Whatever 'correctly' is.
-I slept in, but I still managed to fit in a shower and a couple of listens to my new favorite song of the week/month/current me.
-Class was fine, people were nice.
-I talked to the girl in my Japanese class, she's really cool. And I got to talk about China.
-In Chinese class, I gritted my teeth about the know-it-all, but the guy-who-knows-all-the-Asians saw me and grinned, and that was nice.
-I talked to one of the Japanese exchange students in my Chinese class- she's so sweet!
-I got food (which was icky) and checked my mail- I got my Chinese textbooks! Finally, yay!
-Then on my way to my dorm, I ran into the guy from my Chinese class who was in my ATY class last semester and always sat behind me. I updated him on what he'd missed in class and reintroduced myself to him.
-Ran into B.House. Made plans to meet after GEO.
-GEO was a little scary but fun as always (I love that teacher).
-Went to buy my roomie's birthday present and talked to the clerk a bit. He's a student at my school and an art major. Nice guy.
-Met up with B.House and her friend. We got sugar, met Sue (got handshakes!) and watched Equilibrium (which is essentially the Matrix series only not as good and condensed to one movie and the robots are replaced with drugs).
-Also rented two movies I've been wanting to see for a while.
(E.C.- I have a goal for this summer!!!!)

So... yeah. In effect, today rocked.

Lessee if I can hold up this attitude after the phone call. I hope so, it feels so good to be happy again. ^_^

Wish me luck. Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Clash and Silly Fools (with Ben, not Toe singing)- Ji Ja (*LOVE*)

It's been a while, but I'm too tired except to say:
Oh Thailand, I just KNEW there was more to you than Dragon5 (much though I adore them as well!). You've not disappointed me, and I'm feeling so glad that I learned about your music scene.

Silly Fools, Retrospect, Sweet Mullet, Clash, Da Endorphines, Golf-Mike, all kinds of wild crazy music goodness.

Still need to look further into a lot of bands and artists (Potato, Pancake, Dome, that Aof guy, etc). But tonight was promising.

I'm sooo happy. I'd been feeling tired of my own music. Now I'm all excited again to have something I actually WANT to listen to, rather than just having sound for the sake of sound. Yay!

Hope everyone's having a good semester so far (or a good fall if you're not in school, I guess).

Later, all *waves*.

Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Silly Fools- Stay Away (a half-Thai half-Korean American singer? Yes, please!)

"You ask all the good questions".

I am such a kid, 'cause that statement made me so happy.

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